Saturday, March 24, 2012

Chowbunga reviews Ancient Astronauts/Bigfoot crossover show... sort of.

Chowbunga joins the ranks of blobsquatchery.  Admits defeat.

"Me try.  Me really do...  But me admit me have hard time keeping track of what show about because hair of host human Giorgio have hypnotic effect.  Me swear me see Chowpappy and Chowgranny in him coif-- but HOW POSSIBLE!?!  They long dead.  Then see cousin and old girlfriend and other bigfootses me not know cavorting through Giorgio's locks and give up all hope of show make sense!  What look like small piece of pie lodged in him beard really tiny baby squatch like William Evans always see.  Me have to lie down..."

When pressed for further details early this morning, Chowbunga merely shrugged and said "Me no know.  How they all get in man's hair?  Maybe Aliens.  Respect to Giorgio, though, him powerful meme."

Check out to conduct your own research and uncover the truth.

Monday, March 5, 2012

After cheap fireworks show fails to attract sasquatch, FINDING BIGFOOT team vows to pull out big guns!

After rousing only a pack of appreciative coyotes with a fireworks display during last night's Indiana-based episode, Matt Moneymaker and crew have declared that the third season opener of Animal Planet's FINDING BIGFOOT will feature more than bigfoot ever bargained for: the firing of a self-propelled M109 Army Howitzer! 

All intelligent animals move towards fiery explosions and loud noises which could be perceived of as an attack.

"If this doesn't shake the fuzzy bastards into view, I don't know what will!" shouted James "Bobo" Fay during a test barrage at the United States Army Field Artillery School at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma earlier today. Rumors that the light-suited Utah chapter of the Flying Elvises skydiving team are being held in reserve as a possible future sasquatch attractant remain unconfirmed at press time.

Big guns for bigfoot: Size comparision of squatch, M109 and average human.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Bigfoot community in violent uproar over ridiculously clear and focused picture of possible sasquatch!

The shot seen 'round the web.  Courtesy of Melissa "Hellcat" Hovey.

By now you've all seen it and probably had your eyebrows singed off by the firestorm of controversy this image has generated, but bigfootologists and squatchbloggers in every camp-- from the hoaxer-in-a-suit to the real-deal-out-for-a-meal, from the neurotoxic rhododendron to the luscious loquat, from the sincere- investigator-just-looking-for-an-answer to the cackling-villainess-out-to-get-rich (Oh yeah, lotta bucks in the bigfoot biz, just ask my broker.  Not.) -- ALL agree on one aspect of the startling photo:

It's just too freakin' CLEAR.

Almost offensively, obscenely so.

So in the interest of honest scientific inquiry and an effort to restore some semblance of order to a world shaken, stirred and completely unaccustomed to clarity and focus in imagery related to their elusive quarry, the staff of Heretical Bigfoot have contracted with renowned Sasquatometrist Dr. Evan Williams to reduce the image to acceptably viewable levels.  Using the latest in his patented "de-enchancement" technology coupled with heavy ingestion of cheap beer and medical-grade marijuana, Williams will reveal the hidden mystery this picture so desperately needs to be embraced by all.

Dr. Williams dons his specially-filtered eyewear.

Stage 1:  Clearly outrageous.
Stage 2:  Williams adds realistic blur with noticeable results.
Stage 3:  Tree branches and custom degradation bring the image to life.
Stage 4:  Hand notation and viewing instructions reveal the figure in all its glory!

Is everybody happy now?  We know we feel a whole lot better and are now prepared to join Facebook/Find bigfoot in their coveted A+++ rating of the de-enhanced image as completely authentic!