Friday, March 2, 2012

Bigfoot community in violent uproar over ridiculously clear and focused picture of possible sasquatch!


The shot seen 'round the web.  Courtesy of Melissa "Hellcat" Hovey.

By now you've all seen it and probably had your eyebrows singed off by the firestorm of controversy this image has generated, but bigfootologists and squatchbloggers in every camp-- from the hoaxer-in-a-suit to the real-deal-out-for-a-meal, from the neurotoxic rhododendron to the luscious loquat, from the sincere- investigator-just-looking-for-an-answer to the cackling-villainess-out-to-get-rich (Oh yeah, lotta bucks in the bigfoot biz, just ask my broker.  Not.) -- ALL agree on one aspect of the startling photo:

It's just too freakin' CLEAR.

Almost offensively, obscenely so.

So in the interest of honest scientific inquiry and an effort to restore some semblance of order to a world shaken, stirred and completely unaccustomed to clarity and focus in imagery related to their elusive quarry, the staff of Heretical Bigfoot have contracted with renowned Sasquatometrist Dr. Evan Williams to reduce the image to acceptably viewable levels.  Using the latest in his patented "de-enchancement" technology coupled with heavy ingestion of cheap beer and medical-grade marijuana, Williams will reveal the hidden mystery this picture so desperately needs to be embraced by all.

Dr. Williams dons his specially-filtered eyewear.

THE PROCESS
Stage 1:  Clearly outrageous.
Stage 2:  Williams adds realistic blur with noticeable results.
Stage 3:  Tree branches and custom degradation bring the image to life.
Stage 4:  Hand notation and viewing instructions reveal the figure in all its glory!

Is everybody happy now?  We know we feel a whole lot better and are now prepared to join Facebook/Find bigfoot in their coveted A+++ rating of the de-enhanced image as completely authentic!


8 comments:

  1. Hilariously spot on as usual Sir! Are you still operating covertly, or are we allowed to praise you by name ;)

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  2. Awesome!!! I can see it clearly now!! Saweeeet.

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  3. I don't understand. For years we've all wanted a clear photo and now people are saying its too clear? WTF??

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  4. LOL!! So funny! There can be no more doubt! LMAO

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