Sunday, February 12, 2012

Russians make latest desperate grab for Bigfoot glory with Yeti high-fashion line! PETA mortified!

Russian supermodel Kira Plastinina models the offensive outerwear. 

In yet another brazen move towards World Bigfoot Supremacy, Russian fashion magnate Slava Zaitsev unleashed his spring line of authentic Yeti fur coats and wraps on an Omsk runway yesterday.  During the 30-minute refueling break of a local air show (actual aircraft runways are utilized in Omsk as those are the only kind available) Zaitsev's models preened and pouted while showing off the shockingly dull but near-priceless line of matted, smelly pelts, before dashing off the tarmac to allow a tight formation of Sukhoi S-37 fighters to blast skyward.

Rumor has it that the controversial furs actually allow the wearer to obtain paranormal abilities like invisibility, invulnerability to bullets, thought-transference and the ability to walk through walls, but the powers seem to keyed and activated only by the personal beliefs of the lucky high-party women who can afford them. The international bigfoot research community was collectively stunned by the show of force, yet made no formal statements.  The leading Russian authority on wild men, Igor Burtsev, also could not be reached for comment as he was last reported to be somewhere in Michigan, USA, untangling miniature ponies from curious stick structures.  Oddly (or maybe not so) the only bigfoot personality on hand for the event was the notorious Tom Biscardi, who had already reportedly inked a deal for clothing distribution in the United States.  "We're gonna make a killing!" were his only words.

Tom Biscardi and shorn Yeti companion Olga Ungabunga in Omsk.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) officials world-wide condemned the exploitation of what could possibly be one of the rarest and most endangered species on earth, but admitted they could make no formal protest until the status of the Yeti and other sasquatch-like beings was determined to be that of animal or human.  A frustrated Nadia Hovenka, Moscow-based spokeswoman for the organization, declared "We keep trying to pin down the so-called experts on the subject, but none respond to our calls or emails as they seem to be constantly tied up on facebook arguing the matter!"

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