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| A horrific scene captured by cell phone from a Portland, Oregon real estate office where three blobsquatch-obsessed workers perished during an unauthorized coffee break earlier this morning. |
Business offices and private homes around the country deluged police and medical authorities with emergency calls this morning reporting wide-scale carnage and gruesome casualties in the wake of several individuals opening their facebook accounts and discovering that they had been added to no less than 80 new bigfoot group pages.
A shaken and gore-drenched Mary Fosdick related the shocking events to Heretical reporter Pat McDung:
"My husband Tim checked his gmail account first thing this morning... like every morning... and he spat coffee all over the keyboard when he found his mailbox overflowing with comment notifications from (sob) facebook groups he'd never even heard of. He had just been added to SO many without even being asked and.. and... he just started shaking and screaming 'They're all the same people saying all the same things!!!' and then... and then... his head just exploded."
"Like-this-comment overload" has been determined as the official cause of death in most cases, ranging from exploded craniums to spontaneous human combustion to at least six cases of victims simply hurling themselves out of nearby open windows. Officials are monitoring the situation and advise internet bigfooters to go outside, get some fresh air and perhaps find another hobby.
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| Friends don't add friends to groups without asking. |
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