|Long-range Hubble telemetric scan of Apollo 12 landing sight.|
On the heels of Newt Gingrich's announcement that he would build an operating, fully-manned moonbase by the end of his second term if elected President of the United States, NASA today unveiled the startling image of what appeared to be an enormous sasquatch track crossing the known pathways of Apollo 12 astronauts from the 1970 lunar landing mission. As part of a continuing effort of the space agency to debunk claims by conspiracy theorists that the moon landings were hoaxed, images of the original landing sites viewed by a specially-tasked set of lenses on the Hubble Space telescope are being regularly released to news agencies. But the seasoned team of scientists were unprepared for the discovery of the apparently fresh print earlier this week and the truly bizarre events which followed. Visibly shaken imaging analyst Mark Williamson attempted to explain:
"The print came up on my scope and then wavered and became what appeared to be a size 13 low-cut hiking boot, then back to a bigfoot print. At the same time a strange voice began speaking to me over my headset and I only had time to jot down a few words before it faded away into hysterical laughter."
|Formerly deceased bigfoot researcher Jon-Erik Beckjord in a quieter moment.|
A high-level security clampdown on the contents of the message was immediately instituted, but reporters for The Heretical Bigfoot were able to mindspeak with anonymous sources to produce a short, startling transcript:
Ha Ha Ha It is I, Jon Erik Beckjord! I have slipped the bonds of space-time and now manifest myself on earth's moon to show you (garbled) dumbf**** and b**** who is right about EVERYTHING and always was! You will never find what you are looking for in your own dimension so come and get ME I dare you Ha Ha Ha Ha Sorry about the name calling, sincerely, but you are all such stupid a**** and I can hold my breath for years here so f*** off... Ha Ha Ha H
In possibly related developments, millionaire bigfoot research financier Wally Hersom was spotted Wednesday at a joint Lockheed/DARPA launch vehicle assembly plant with his famous "Bigfoot Express" hot-rod in tow. Rumors that the '32 Ford was being retro-fitted with solid rocket boosters or possibly an even more exotic powerplant have been flying on internet chatboards and blogs and Animal Planet today announced casting calls for a new reality show called "Who Will Be America's First Bigfooter in Space?" More details as they emerge.
|To boldly go where no squatcher has gone before?|